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01 April 2006 @ 02:57 pm
When it hurts to breath, oh god.. but you try so hard anyway. Because a part of you wants to breath, wants to live. But that part is shrinking at the speed of light and with it, your will to live. You want to die but you fear death and all that comes with it. Your trying to understand this overwhelming sadness that seems to swallow you whole at the oddest moments. Things that mattered before just don't anymore. Anything that used to mean everything doesn't exist anymore. Your life is a constint bing and purge. Fast and restrict. Your hungry even when your full and your starving for life. For love.. But you have love. You have your fucked up family.. You have things that most people envy. They resent you. You have no right to be mad, no right. and the guilt of that sufficates you. You want to be happy and happiness is only in the form of death. you think about how they will feel once your gone. What would they thing? What would they say? How will you be remembered. And at the end, thats what stops you. The need to please is so much greater then your own misery. So you put down the rest of the pills. You hope with half a heart that what you've already taken won't work. And you wipe your tears and swallow your pain. And although you know its building inside of you, you ignore it. You ignore the knawing pain. You ignore the rapid heart beat that the pills have created. You ignore the blood under your shirt. You ignore the self induced scars and you ignore yourself self hatred for just one more day. And you sleep without dreams and you live without life. You are the most courageous coward that walks the ground and your barely alive. But they don't understand. No one really does. They believe in souls without bodies yet they can't fathom a body with no soul. You've lost your soul. The world has run away with your innocense. But you don't walk around with jelly braclets to your elbows and pants with 12 chains. You dress to decieve, your yellow shirt matches your fake smile. You live life awaiting death cause in the end that is the only promise that cannot be broken. You do it, because its whats expected of you. And you live life, even in death. You breath. No matter how much it hurts, you breath. And for that alone you deserve so much more thna you have. So much more then you'll ever get.

written for a friend.
i have too much time to think.
Brendonnnncrimsonskyys on April 1st, 2006 10:43 pm (UTC)
you wrote that yourself?
alice <3dinoxsooor on April 3rd, 2006 11:43 pm (UTC)
no i fucking stoll it.
Brendonnnncrimsonskyys on April 4th, 2006 01:29 am (UTC)

I was gonna say it was really good =/
alice <3dinoxsooor on April 5th, 2006 01:12 am (UTC)
of course i wrote it.
__Jay: daisytaco_pee on April 2nd, 2006 05:30 pm (UTC)
OmG GoD I bEt ItS aBoUt MeEeEe. LyKe OmG

thats what every one is thinking when theyre reading this.
i win.