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alice <3
23 July 2006 @ 11:35 pm
addd my newer livejournal if you haven't already.. i'm going to use it alot more now.

 still_shotsthank youuuu.
alice <3
02 May 2006 @ 05:53 pm
new livejournal.


i don't like looking back at this one.
alice <3
28 April 2006 @ 11:26 pm
People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

i'm tired...
and need to stop thinking.
nothing to do tomorrow..
call me if you want to do something.
980 1937.
alice <3
18 April 2006 @ 02:54 pm
alice <3
01 April 2006 @ 02:57 pm
When it hurts to breath, oh god.. but you try so hard anyway. Because a part of you wants to breath, wants to live. But that part is shrinking at the speed of light and with it, your will to live. You want to die but you fear death and all that comes with it. Your trying to understand this overwhelming sadness that seems to swallow you whole at the oddest moments. Things that mattered before just don't anymore. Anything that used to mean everything doesn't exist anymore. Your life is a constint bing and purge. Fast and restrict. Your hungry even when your full and your starving for life. For love.. But you have love. You have your fucked up family.. You have things that most people envy. They resent you. You have no right to be mad, no right. and the guilt of that sufficates you. You want to be happy and happiness is only in the form of death. you think about how they will feel once your gone. What would they thing? What would they say? How will you be remembered. And at the end, thats what stops you. The need to please is so much greater then your own misery. So you put down the rest of the pills. You hope with half a heart that what you've already taken won't work. And you wipe your tears and swallow your pain. And although you know its building inside of you, you ignore it. You ignore the knawing pain. You ignore the rapid heart beat that the pills have created. You ignore the blood under your shirt. You ignore the self induced scars and you ignore yourself self hatred for just one more day. And you sleep without dreams and you live without life. You are the most courageous coward that walks the ground and your barely alive. But they don't understand. No one really does. They believe in souls without bodies yet they can't fathom a body with no soul. You've lost your soul. The world has run away with your innocense. But you don't walk around with jelly braclets to your elbows and pants with 12 chains. You dress to decieve, your yellow shirt matches your fake smile. You live life awaiting death cause in the end that is the only promise that cannot be broken. You do it, because its whats expected of you. And you live life, even in death. You breath. No matter how much it hurts, you breath. And for that alone you deserve so much more thna you have. So much more then you'll ever get.

written for a friend.
i have too much time to think.
alice <3
25 March 2006 @ 08:40 pm
I'm a silly livejournal icon.


love life.
alice <3
21 March 2006 @ 03:07 pm
when it rains it pours down
and i'm left with no cover
i'm being watched like a tv
it makes sleeping much harder

you can't fix whats always been broken
you can't even hide it
you can't change whats never been spoken
we're so alike
except seems like i'm a good laugh seems like i'm a failure.

we go days without talking
the silence brings us no answers
we give our final exchanges
heres one loss for another

i miss you.
alice <3
01 March 2006 @ 07:57 pm
As I fall, and you turn away. You Walk down corridors miles away from heart. As I breathe, as I surrender... I hear the sound of whispering.
Replace these veins, with these stomach aches and butterflies that long to tear away. Screaming, I'll tear out your heart.
With the lights out, I hope you never leave my side. I promise to leave my weapons left by the bedsie.
As you stand pressed up on the wall, they march in outfit with lullabies that long to hurt us all. Now I'm your escape route, but I could be so much more.
With the lights out, I hope you never leave my side. I promise to leave my weapons left by the bedsie.
This time I wont bleed, if your forsaken me... I'll tear out your heart. You were there and I was was with you, longing for you. You broke the locks, I grabbed on to you. Lost in these rooms... What did I see?
alice <3
18 February 2006 @ 11:29 am
even when the world has me down,

i'll keep my head up..

lately the only person i talk to about anything personal is my cat.

he doesn't tell everyone.

it works out :)
alice <3
24 January 2006 @ 02:39 pm
i really hope you hang on cody..
i need you here more then anything you can't let go.
i'm praying for you so much..
i wish this wasn't happening..